Anger + love, my authenticity

Being honest but reacting less.

Staying Authentic means having opinions that you don’t agree with,

but being told I’m rude makes me question –

What is Authentic?

I don’t want to hurt you, me…

I want to fight without anger, but anger is all I feel when

I’m passionate.

Too big for one room; too small at home.

How much of my personality is perfect? Enough?

Where do I find that peaceful balance and

how?

Sometimes I am perfect, enough…

With values for humanity, kindness, and love; with

fierce loyalty that bares sharp teeth in the best ways.

Movement of my body that is fed and watered well.

Edgy haircuts, nose rings, and a style exuding comfort and confidence.

A girlfriend I kiss every night. Warmth when I hold her hand. Steadiness in our relationship.

Sometimes I am empty, lonely…

Guilt-ridden for things I’ve said, fierce with anger; for irritability every period

with cravings that bring tears.

Feelings of doubt and hopelessness. Unworthiness –

followed by anger at the lies spinning round my head.

Anger.

So much anger.

Thrown at her. Blamed on the world; on my depression; on too much caffeinated coffee.

Yet so much love.

Love for life – my life – for this world, for her, for days spent in the rain under a blanket.

How do I find balance?

To live with both so strong…

I struggle to find balance.

To find my authenticity.

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