This is my only job

My only job is to love myself.

To be there in a way no one else can.

Hand over heart.

Knowing.

Understanding.

My job is not to be there for the world.

To spray compliments and encouragements to you

without ever giving them to myself.

My job is to shine –

My beauty. My worth.

My excellence. My edges.

I will not dull myself to

bring you Happiness.

My job is to cultivate my own

Happiness.

Not yours.

I will shine.

Shine.

Shine.

I will hydrate myself.

I will lay out the mat for yoga.

I will curl up in my favorite blanket

and sweatpants and

pour the coffee.

I will

Say Yes,

Yes,

Yes.

I will allow myself everything

I want.

This is my only job.

To say yes to myself, and

no to you,

if I must.

I will love myself, and

let you depart,

if I must.

Hand over heart.

This is my only job.

5 Goals for November

I am beyond pleased with myself for nailing every goal I had, and I’m excited to tackle the five for this month.

Here they are –

1. #sizedoesntmatter Yoga Challenge


I enjoyed this yoga challenge so much in October that I want to keep it going.

I’ll be participating with many other women of various colors and sizes for the next month guided by the beautiful and inspiring hosts @mynameisjessamyn and @yoga_davina. Maybe you’ll join?

You can follow along with me here!

2. Do Yoga Practice by Video Three Times a Week


Because I kept up with a daily yoga practice for a whole month, I want to push myself a little more.

With #sizedoesntmatter, I’ll still be doing yoga almost every day, but I’m going to set aside three days a week to use guided yoga videos for enhanced practices. I’m hoping this will build my strength and flexibility even more!

3. Brave Love


Mara Glatzel gifted me with a spot in the newest session of her course Brave Love.

I want to dive heart first into the coming prompts, videos, and emails over the next three weeks.

4. Organize The Categories and Tags


This goal was originally to be completed last month alongside my about page and links, but I never got around to it. So, this month I shall clean up all the categories and tags floating around here to make finding posts applicable to YOU a lot easier.

5. Visit Stonehenge


Since this is my last month in England, I have to have a travel goal!

Our plans are to see Stonehenge mid-November, and I cannot wait!

I’m very excited for this month’s five goals. Here’s to you, November! And you, my friends.

How did you do with goals last month? What are some new one’s you’re setting for the end of the year?

No one decision is right OR wrong

The past few months I have been tossing around a thought about decisions. Specifically, decisions being either right or wrong.

Decisions are often portrayed as two options: the true path, the one that shall lead us towards the light at the end of our tunnel, or the ugly path, the one that will only bring trouble and discomfort.

With this outline, it should be easy to make decisions! Just pick the GOOD one – the RIGHT one – and all will be well. Right?

Uh, no.

Right and wrong are not that simple.

This past summer I found myself consoling my mom with the statement, “It’s not right or wrong; it just is.”

I shocked myself in saying this. It came without thought, but how true it rang!

Decisions (for the most part) are not good OR bad, right OR wrong, they just ARE.

Each one has consequences, both good and bad, and some decisions will make us happier than others.

That’s it.

The choice between staying or moving: Staying could mean a stable job you’ve had for years, friendly neighbors you trust your kids to speak with, or just close proximity to loved ones. Moving could mean seeing a part of the country or world you never have, an exciting job opportunity you might never get again, or getting away from a toxic environment.

The choice between laying a mortgage down on a new house or taking yourself on a trip to Europe. A mortgage means a place to start a family, a stable place to call home, or just plain independence. Taking that trip could mean crossing off items on your bucket-list, seeing the world before starting a family, or just allowing yourself to do something crazy for once.

No matter which choice you go with, the choice is not WRONG unless it FEELS wrong to YOU.

Your gut knows best. It knows what you REALLY want, even if you can’t decipher it immediately.

So, listen to your gut and choose whatever path makes you feel happiest and freest.

Note: Topics like murder, racism, sexism, or just plain cruelty are different. Your choices in how you speak + act towards other people, cultures, etc. should be made sensitively and CAN be wrong, even if YOU don’t feel it is.  

Life Lately in IG Photos

tiger pose
flying warrior variations

In honor of one of my October goals, I have joined the #SizeDoesntMatter yoga challenge on Instagram! This month has been hosted by @biggalyoga + @yogimj – two awesome ladies showing that yoga isn’t just for thin, white women. 

photobooth friday

my favorite color… pink!

Joined by Katelin, I’ve been participating in #lovetober hosted by @galadarling

There have been fall walks + football games wrapped up in rain jackets and scarves.


I have dropped love notes here + there!

And I have been getting in the holiday spirit with pumpkin purchasing, warm drink drinking, scary movies before bed, + a trip to Harry Potter World Studio Tours on the horizon. 

If you aren’t yet, follow me on Instagram here

What has October looked like for you lately? 


P.S. I realize there are some wacky font changes going on – I’ve noticed blogger will do this on the occasional post. I hope it doesn’t bother you as much as it does me! 

Anger + love, my authenticity

Being honest but reacting less.

Staying Authentic means having opinions that you don’t agree with,

but being told I’m rude makes me question –

What is Authentic?

I don’t want to hurt you, me…

I want to fight without anger, but anger is all I feel when

I’m passionate.

Too big for one room; too small at home.

How much of my personality is perfect? Enough?

Where do I find that peaceful balance and

how?

Sometimes I am perfect, enough…

With values for humanity, kindness, and love; with

fierce loyalty that bares sharp teeth in the best ways.

Movement of my body that is fed and watered well.

Edgy haircuts, nose rings, and a style exuding comfort and confidence.

A girlfriend I kiss every night. Warmth when I hold her hand. Steadiness in our relationship.

Sometimes I am empty, lonely…

Guilt-ridden for things I’ve said, fierce with anger; for irritability every period

with cravings that bring tears.

Feelings of doubt and hopelessness. Unworthiness –

followed by anger at the lies spinning round my head.

Anger.

So much anger.

Thrown at her. Blamed on the world; on my depression; on too much caffeinated coffee.

Yet so much love.

Love for life – my life – for this world, for her, for days spent in the rain under a blanket.

How do I find balance?

To live with both so strong…

I struggle to find balance.

To find my authenticity.

5 Goals for October

Happy October, friends!

I say this every new season, but Fall has to be my favorite season.

Except I totally do not say that about winter.

Surprisingly here in England, it is not feeling exceptionally fall-y! Sometimes it’s chilly, sometimes it’s downright hot, + it still remains very green.

With the new month coming in, I want to set some goals.

Goals make me excited, but they can also make me feel pretty crappy when I don’t excel in the ways I hope. So, I set these goals with relaxed intentions. Aka: it is NOT the end of the world if I fall behind or scrap them all together.

Though, I must say, these goals are pretty fun.

1. Do Yoga Every Day


Simple, I miss it.

Inspired by mynameisjessamyn and her #SizeDoesntMatter yoga challenge, I want to start making yoga a daily practice again. Even if it’s one pose.

2. #lovetober


I’ll be joining with hundreds of others in Gala Darling’s October Instagram challenge, #lovetober!

It's Time for Another IG Challenge: Let's Go, #lovetober! By GalaDarling

This is not my first Instagram challenge, but I hope it is the first that I COMPLETE.

Follow along on my IG, @evecalian!

3. Go to a Pumpkin Patch


+ not just any pumpkin patch – an ENGLISH pumpkin patch!

I haven’t been in years, so this needs to be remedied in this new country.

4. Carve a Pumpkin


You can’t go to a pumpkin patch, purchase a pumpkin, + not carve it. Ok?

5. Organize this Space


In the next few weeks a new about page will appear, the tags will get cleaned up, + I’ll become more familiar with the new layout. Hopefully, this will make navigating this space easier for you + create a homier environment for us all.

What are some goals you have for the coming month?

5 things making me feel really good right now

For a long time I lost touch with myself.

Without even realizing it.

It was just a few weeks ago that I recognized it. It was in the feel of my body that wasn’t being fed both what I wanted + what it needed; the feel of my gut that wasn’t being checked in with on decisions; + the overall feel of agitation.

Add into the fact that I had traveled to a new country with a new (or lack of) routine + I was feeling disconnected. Extremely so.

Then I read a post by the awesome Mara Glatzel encouraging me to sit down with this feeling of disconnect + ask myself… What is one thing I can do right now to change this? To bring myself closer to my intuition + feelings? To feel calm again?

Here are some things that are making my feel really good right now:

Routine

This is my number one! It fills me up + calms me when I begin to feel lost.

Routine doesn’t mean my day is planned from 8:00AM to 10:00PM but that I have security check-points to meet back with myself. Making sure I have a planned breakfast and lunch, tea + cookies, time with the entire household, + time with just Katelin and I.

The in-betweens are up to me + how spontaneous I’m feeling (or not). And these moments feel a lot better with a routine set up around them.

Drinking Tea

At least once a day! 2:00-3:00PM is my designated tea time during the week. I brew my favorite cup of chamomile with honey, add three tea biscuits on the side, + let the feel goodery-ness commence.

Tea makes my body feel warm, cozy, + clean.

If I manage to get another cup in before bed is just an added bonus.

Doing Laundry


It smells good, adds a bit of productivity to the day, + I love looking out the back conservatory to see cloths hanging on the line. So British!

Reading Fashion Magazines

Fashion + my name have never been two words easily put side-by-side. But lately… I’ve been fascinated by it! It intrigues me. I love watching make-up gurus on YouTube, + I love reading about the latest trends no matter how much I hate those oversize knits.

Looking at the street style from the various Fashion Weeks inspires how I go shopping + put outfits together in my mind tenfold. (If only I had more money for more shopping!)

Also, England has the best fashion magazines for the best prices. Just saying.

Petting the Neighborhood Cats

No explanation needed. 🙂

What about you? What are some things making you feel really good right now?